A story inspired by the ETS Test at Home experience.
2020 was a devastating year for many when the pandemic prohibited most outdoor activities; under these unfortunate times, an international U.S. test company, the ERA, came up with the Test at Home program.
Today is 3521's third week at his job.
As merely one of the thousands of tech supporters of the ERA test at home company, 3521’s office is located in the suburb of Bengaluru, India. He shares a small-ass room with other forty-nine people staring apathetically in front of their four-by-six monitor day in and day out.
“Ding!”
A tiny green light signals 3521 that the examinee’s camera is on. He can now see her, but she won’t be able to see him. He logs her into the system, and the count-down begins:
“You’re now ready to begin your test.” said 3521.
Through her camera, he enters a cozy bedroom with warm lighting. Her bed is covered in duckling yellow sheets. She is facing a window and the drizzling noise reminds him of his city. Her walls look finely painted in ivory white decorated with an A4 sketch of a girl smiling sitting quietly in the corner.
They have become acquainted in 3521's mind as he stalks her through the test in silence--He can foresee the way she plays with her hair while guessing the answer C even with his eyes closed. The absent look when her reading section gets too lengthy, or the way she grins when the question is unchallenging circles in his mind.
Out of nowhere, the girl glances toward the camera. 3521 is certain that their eyes met for a second, but then she looks away and blocks his sight of the room. The proctor has to see the door at all times. He has to speak up, but he is afraid:
What if he provokes her? She’s going to hate him.
What if this distraction had her fail the test?
But if so, he might be able to see her again, isn’t he?
What if he never sees her again?
However, fear vanishes too swiftly, for he soon realizes he has power over her.
"Adjust your camera, the door to your room should be always visible.", he said.
She startles, glares at the camera, and readjusts her screen. Her unappreciative attitude hurts him, but it is understandable. Who likes to be interrupted during a test? It wasn’t his fault, still, he almost felt ashamed. Now he almost hates himself for even growing fond of her. How hackneyed. He doesn’t even know why something so ridiculous happens! Still, deep down at heart, he hopes:
Would it be possible for her to fall in love with someone like him?
He preys her eyes through the monitor, thirsty to seek any leak of emotion: trying to prove that this is mutual. She shies away. Why isn’t she looking at him? Is it because she knew that there is nothing inside of him? That he is a hollowed tree, deserted island; tired and paranoid of his unrequited love.
This is the moment when he suddenly realizes: For the past three hours and more, he has been nothing more than a shadow of her, that he has no voice. He is the echo of the infamous Greek mythology-- wondering why wouldn’t she love him back?
He suddenly loathes his job for having no other purpose but staring at her.
She is his only task, and the task has come to an end.
All of a sudden, a voice passes through miles of water and emerges from his despair. Like the sunrise after a long winter night. Astonished to the very core, he is excited but speechless. There is so much to speak of, yet so little allowed. His desire for her has become a burden that he can carry on no more, still he has to pretend like he doesn’t give a damn.
“Where are you at?” She says.
“… sorry Máme I’m not allowed”
He manages his best to not sound as discouraged as he is. (One minute left)
“...Do you have further questions?”
3521’s eyes go back and forth between the monitor and the clock.
Five, four, three, two…
Ting-Yu has logged out of the system.
His last spark of hope fades with the little green light on his monitor.
Like a ghost, he can no longer feel her existence......People by his side too crowded, the monitor too small, and his shirt too sweaty. All is gone.
He has lost his grip on the kite. She submerged back into a sea of meaningless coding numbers.
3521 sits bewildered in front of his four-by-six monitor, knowing his vileness.
That his affection for her is like a dessert: sweet, addictive, and obese. It is selfishness in the name of devotion. Tremendous energy poured into an illusion to fulfill a personal fantasy is sickness.
He doesn't truly know what love is. He thinks of people in a certain way when they are not. Therefore he created his own reality and deliberately dunked into it like a bowl of good old honey. Lost in the mass of other forty-nine allies on the seventh floor of an ordinary building located in the suburb of Bengaluru, India.
“Ding!”
(Ahmed has logged into the system.)
The End.
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